Temptation

Now and then I allow myself to have a glass of red wine, sometimes two. I feel guilty afterward because my doctor says more than one glass a day causes a 20% increase in cancer risk. She says I shouldn't drink at all. Its hard on your liver and my liver is already being slammed by chemo. I also believe that wine consumption is part of the reason I got cancer. Why do I do it? A glass of wine means more to me than the taste and the relaxation that accompanies it. While I have the glass in my hand I feel like I don't have cancer. POOF its gone.

After diagnosis I started a strict diet recommended by my doctor. Sugar is poison. So is white flour. Meat and dairy that is not organic contains growth hormones which might raise your cancer risk. Red meat is especially bad.

Tonight I ate meatloaf (made with organic beef) and a small chocolate heart. It feels empowering to eat they way I used to eat, even if it's only occasionally.

I long for the end of chemo and the return of my strength.


I dream of returning to Tulum Mexico to feel the warm sun on my skin and to lay reading by the ocean for hours hearing nothing other than the sound of the surf.