I made an appointment with my oncologist today for my 3 month post chemo checkup. It's set for a couple of weeks from now, July 9th, the day before I head to Michigan to visit John's parents, grandma and his sibling's families. I am so excited to go. The last time I saw any of them was a few days before my mastectomy/oophorectomy surgery last November. We'll have so much fun catching up. There will be lots of hugs, smiles, storys and some really good food and wine to share. Brownell family here we come!
I had a dream last night that is indicative of my current state of insanity. John woke me up in the middle of the night because I was shaking and moaning and was covered with goosebumps. I remember him waking me and I was able to tell him what I was dreaming about.
I was at a school with my sister Anne to learn how to be wizards. Wizards, that when fully educated and experienced, can cure cancer. The school looked in my dream like Hogwarts, Harry Potter's boarding school of wizardry. We had made it through the first year of challenging courses. We had left our families in order to attend. When John woke me up, Anne and I were flying through the air, laughing an evil laugh, chasing a poor human who was running from us on the ground. At the same time we were being chased by flying demons/ghosts. It was terrifying. Aaaaaack! It makes my chest tighten up thinking about it.
I have a fear that a pain in my left ribcage might be a cancer metastisis. I have felt it for the last 4-5 days when my bra presses against it. Or especially when I lay on that side.
Now, the chance of it being cancer are probably miniscule. The thing that is driving this fear is that the sore spot is located behind where my tumor was. I now understand why people worry incessantly about aches and pains that you would not give a second thought. Aches and pains that turn out to be nothing to worry about. Its commonly told to cancer patients to wait 2 weeks before reporting a worrysome symptom to your oncologist. It will probably go away before then.
My rib will stop hurting any day now too.
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2 comments:
Laurie-
Although my little health pales in comparison to what you've gone through, I know what you mean about the aches and pains. Even though I still have odd chest pains and weird feelings in my shoulder and left arm, my doctor gave me a clean bill of health. I've been running regularly (4-6 miles 3 or 4 days a week,) but I'm convinced that I still have something wrong with my innards. Doctors, sometimes, are a pain in the ass. They only believe what the reports tell them, not what the person feels. They've tried to convince me that I need to take anti-anxiety meds and I'm really fine. I'm sure you understand. I know how I felt before "the event" and I know I still don't feel right.
Anyway, I'm moving in my own direction, taking care of myself and will talk to a naturopathic doc some time in the future.
In the mean time, I just hope I don't keel over and croak in front of my kids! BTW, I'm in Hawaii right now and it's absolutely beautiful. I know it doesn't compare with Michigan, but I'll have to Make it work!
I've got a few more thoughts, but this comment is plenty long. Wishing you the best, as always!
Bill,
I am more than a little jealous! Hawaii is spectacular. Enjoy. Glad to hear about your running. Its so good for you in many ways.
As far as dealing with worrysome physical stuff, what can you do? Staying busy so my mind is on other things is the best remedy I've found. Its tough to make yourself not think about things.
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