Musings From A Broken Heart

I believe that crying makes room for positive thoughts. And, that animals detect illness in the people they love. I'm writing this through tears, bleary eyed, in the middle of our family nightmare.
I think that Punkin knew what was wrong. Mom and Dad's beloved dog, Punkin, staked his territory on Mom's lap any time she sat down. And he stayed with her, sniffing her breath when she spoke, not wanting to leave her side. I remember Dad commenting on his behavior in early September.
At that time, we as a family were reeling. Mom seemed to have lost her short term memory. A couple of weeks earlier, her visit to the emergency room at Kalispell Regional Hospital, via ambulance, took us all by surprise. Symptoms of stroke alarmed a chiropractor, who sent mom to a clinic. A high blood pressure reading along with upper back pain provoked an alarmed physician assistant to call an ambulance in fear of a heart event. Tests were run, and nothing was found to warrant admission to the hospital and Mom was sent home.
Around this time, my sister Anne and I traded worried phone calls about Mom repeating the same idea during casual conversation, over and over and over, only seconds apart. I tried to correct Mom about her disturbing concern of relatives from Illinois not having input on the tile store that Mom and Dad own, when the real concern was that they have input on the family lake property. I gently explained that she was confusing the two entirely different subjects, but she was adamant and did not understand the distinction.
At the time Mom was convinced that her trip to the emergency room, and day long series of 'unnecessary tests', were the result of medicine gone wrong. She thought that the physician assistant overreacted. She wanted to be examined anew. By a new doctor who would look at her back pain for what it was was. Start over. But I heard this concern at least 10 times one evening. I feared that she was in early stage Alzheimers disease, of which her brother Harland, suffers today. Or possibly a mini stroke was causing her symptoms.
My parents received the news of Mom's brain tumor on the day of their 50th wedding Anniversary, September 22nd, 2010. The night prior, they were told to come to Dr. Robinson’s office for a very important 9 am meeting. My brother Mark went to the Dr office with my parents and was a rock for them while they heard the most devastating news possible. A 5.5 cm tumor located in the back left side of Mom's head had been found on the MRI taken the day before.
Two days ago, while holding Punkin on a lease with one hand and helping my Mom who was anguishing with pain with my other hand, Punkin began wheezing. I couldn't help them both so I held Mom's head with my hands and whispered and cried "I'm so sorry. Its going to be okay." And she kissed my cheek. But she didn't cry.