Recovery from the 4th chemo treatment has been going well. I hesitate to use the word well though. It doesn't ring true. I will restate. Recovery is going as well as can be expected.
How do I feel? Unwell.
When you evaluate how you feel while undergoing chemo, the definitions of the rating levels change.
pretty good means I am not overtly suffering right now and I'm feeling relief at this moment
I'm ok means I am feeling wretched but I don't want to complain anymore
I'm tired means I am likely both emotionally and physically drained
I need to lay down means I can't cope and need the relief and escape of sleep
I am feeling ok. But I am feeling unwell. The best way to describe how I feel is poisoned. Ailing, broken down, weak and so unlike my old self. I'm considering changing my chemo plan and not doing the last two treatments. I'm distressed about the long term harm of the chemo treatments. I am concerned that I may be being overtreated and that more chemo will make me weaker to fight cancer in the future.
I recognize that chemo fatigue may be influencing my thought process. I won't make an irrational decision. I will talk with Dr. Schmidt and we together will come to a decision. Right now I am wishing for an absolute. A guarantee. No one can give me that.
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3 comments:
Laurie,
Thank you for your raw honesty. I wish that more people could be this real on a regular basis. More and more, i find myself drawn to personalities that are truly real.
it's good to see the real aurie to.
blessings on you and John,
Mike McKay
How are you? Definition:
Means, We know you have to feel "crappy", but hope that today is a "better day than yesterday" and that everytime that question is asked it means we love you and feel deeply your concerns and fears. Keep up the good fight against that terrible scourge and when you need a bit of encouragement PLEASE, PLEASE call at any times!!!!
I hope there is a level between treatments a little better than "pretty good" and that you achieve that level today!
If you decide to continue with number five, when will that occur?
You are right about your mom in every way and I'm sure that you are more like her than you even realize.
Thanks be to John, Tanner, Mom, Dad, and all the rest who provide love and support for your fight and your daily life.
Love,
Uncle Scott
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