For two days after a chemo treatment I am physically ailing enough that I don't have spare energy for worry or doubt. When physical effects begin to subside but I am not yet strong enough to resume interesting activities, my mind gravitates to dark places. Its during that week long period, when the toll chemo takes on my body is particularly evident, that I am convinced I cannot do another. Recovery from chemo is unlike other illnesses I've experienced. Its not like a cold or flu. Its as much mental as it is physical. Its dizzyness and despair. Nausea and depression. Mouth sores and grief. Fatigue and distress. Sore muscles and exasperation. But it doesn't last forever. After that week, only fatigue, sore fingers and dull taste buds persist. I am caught off-guard by feelings of joy. I can begin to run short distances. The final couple days before treatment I can run as far as four miles, albeit slowly.
My next chemo treatment is a week from today. I can now forsee when turmoil will set in and I hope this knowledge keeps me from repeating the pattern.
I don't have the guts to not finish my chemo treatments.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment