My perspective is still skewed. My new normal I guess. Several times a day I find myself holding back from really engaging in life. It all still feels so temporary to me. As if the return to normalcy that I am experiencing now could be pulled out from under me at any moment.
I've let myself imagine, only once or twice since finishing chemo, finding evidence of disease in my body. A small lump in my chest or under my arm or in my neck. The ominous feeling of "knowing" it's bad news feels like heartburn in my chest and fear rises up from my stomach into my throat.
You see, I keep a part of me protected from this dreaded experience by not letting hope seep all the way into my heart. This protected part of me would not be shell-shocked by horrific news, if it were to occur.
About Me
- Laurie
- This blog begins a couple months after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Its best read from those early days to today. Click on the February link above to start from the beginning. My hope is to help others who are diagnosed. I understand your fear and trepidation of treatment and coming to grips with a dramatically changed future. Maybe reading another's story of moving through fear and despair toward acceptance and peace will help you by seeing that you are not alone with your battle. Email me at lpacemissoula@hotmail.com or post here if I can answer any questions or if you need support. I would be honored to help you. Diagnosed 11/8/2007, IDC, 1.9cm, Stage I, Grade 3, oncotype score of 37, 0/2 nodes with ITC's in 1 node, ER+/PR+, HER2-, bilateral mast & oophorectomy because BRCA2+, in the middle of 6 rounds of taxotere/cytoxan, then will have 5 years of Femara
1 comment:
Picante Sauce - Thanks so much for your well wishes on Fridays blog! I did it! Again you are still one of the most corageous woman I am priviledged to know. Thanks so much for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I learn something knew from you everyday, for that I am grateful.
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