So Here's What I'm Thinking

I'd like to write a small book. A guide for people newly diagnosed.
Not from a medical perspective, there's plenty of those. My book will describe the emotional side of cancer. It will serve as a guide through the process of losing your sense of self. Of rebuilding.

That's what happens when you get diagnosed.

You go through profound changes in a very short amount of time.

You lose your looks. You do what you can to not draw attention to your self when you grow pale, thin, hairless and weak.

You lose your safe foundation that has been meticulously constructed. First built from your parents beliefs that are ingrained in the very fiber of your being. Then through the lessons, big and small, learned through your school and adult years. Drastically, that safe foundation is ripped out from under you and you grapple with fear issues and frightening surgery and medical treatments.

You lose the ability to function at a high level. Its embarrassing.

All of these things can lead to isolation.

Its my hope that I can explain, from the perspective of someone who's been through the ringer, how important it is to feel the grief. Collapse and surrender to the fear. Cry like you've never cried before. Acknowledge your mortality. Thrive from the lessons that physical suffering brings. Experience the overwhelming warmth that loved ones provide. Dive in deep when shared fear and realization that life is short gives you the chance to deepen relationships. And then smile, when you wake up and realize that you have several days ahead free of nausea and feeling poisoned.

Some days are a struggle. Other days are precious and you feel a level of contentment many others are unaware of.

The old Laurie would have never attempted writing a book. The cool thing about getting cancer is that its given me a what the hell attitude. What the hell.